Andy Hump

Andy Hump

Some job sites come with better scenery than others. Most notably, college campuses. One of a utility company's largest Troublemen leaned quietly on the hood of his truck, waiting for switching orders. Though he looked like he was busy, (a true master of this,) he really wasn't at all.

Checking out some of the campus talent, he noticed a girl go into a blue portable toilet about 15 feet from the rear of his truck. He found that odd. He would have thought an attractive female college student would have better choices available to her. Even the crew who this port-a-potty was rented on behalf of, had issues utilizing this facility for anything seated or lengthy.

Paying attention, (but not really,) the Troubleman realized a good ten minutes had passed, and the girl still was in there.

He thought to himself, "I guess she must have had to poop?" A hot-box like that always the last resort for him-- even during an emergency situation. He sympathized with her, the poor thing was having to use a construction shitter.

He went back to whatever it was he was doing.

Just then, a tall kid in basketball shorts walked up and knocked on the plastic door. The hinges squeaked open, and he climbed inside.

The giant, (yet somehow invisible,) employee assumed he missed her exit until he saw the blue plastic start to rock in an all too familiar rhythm.

"I've got to video this, nobody is ever going to believe me," he thought as he switched his phone to capture it. With footage of about 2 minutes of blue liquid sloshing inside the plastic can, it stopped. It was about 4 in the afternoon during one of the hottest days of that summer.

He waited with the camera rolling. As the door opened, the girl made eye contact with the now very obvious 6'5", 270+ pound man while he filmed her exit. As the flimsy door crept open, a walk of shame immediately turned into something resembling a startled deer bouncing off a roadway to avoid consequence...

The kid must have received word from his female accomplice that they had been made and decided to hide in there.

The one-man-crew giggled to himself, realizing the male was attempting to wait for him to leave. "Kid thinks he's going to out-wait me? That's what I do for a living!" It must have been 115 degrees in that shit-box and odds were definitely in his favor.

As the door slammed hard, "Jon-Juan," hid his face and walked calmly past the camera. Not without the acknowledgement of the Troubleman, of course. Needless to say, it was not a high-five of congratulated conquest:

"...You Dirty little Hampsters!" Your Daddies paying your tuitions would be so proud!"